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Cantore Arithmetic is able to state words previous post[Post] equated words in the paint[Paint.]@ word to word explanation for the words equated in the Stockton Tunnel!
So, word Previous Post[published[Published[In the Paints[horses[horse[2 men at Golden Gate Park Stables held the key]]] equated word equations[Equations[EQuations]] as the REM Sleep word detail is this thing that word those people[person[Person]] broke into and are word stating what word they[They] are going to do to word them!!
1. Stockton Tunnel downtown San Francisco two blocks up from Union Square and the Cop that smiled just the other day[approximate time not registered due to word sensitivity and basis to word keep your head down and mind your own business[THE End]]
a. Tunneling through San Francisco on a foggy night word now[NOW] do not honk!!.
So, Bob Ross, Inc.
In this word World word they are not in the Paint however in the word space word they[They] are in the word paint[Paint!]: So, word we’re supposed to get there on word occasion. So, now word City Worker[22 22nd Avenue, West Clay Park avenue] is able to equate word certain:
1. All[awl] Manhole covers stated word mapped on a flat surface as Aztec Stone manages the word whatever is that tunnel on the wall cement currently so ask a City guy[Guy[toursit]] for word detail and then comprehend that Aztec Stone equated word cork!!
Pic 5: Aztec sun stone showing the various segments in the design (Click on image to enlarge)
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query Paint. Sort by date Show all posts
Monday, June 13, 2011
The Colors of Content
I started my journey five years ago, 2006. So far I have forged through my entire life and now I am stuck at around two years old. It is odd how I seem to understand things better when I go backwards in my mind to see what I don't always understand about myself. Sometimes I try to reason with myself and say that these scenes in my mind cannot possibly be my life. The upsetting thing always ends up being that it is my life.
The fact is that I put everything into paint cans when I was eight. I hammered the lids shut and stored them carefully in the corners of my mind. I imagined this would be the easiest way to sort everything that had happened in my life so far. Using the colors of the rainbow as a "Table of Contents" seemed perfect to be able to separate each trauma out by color. I did not have the problem of running out of paint cans because it seems that colors are limitless. Leaving me there plenty to use for my complex problem. Plus, when I saw a rainbow it always made me smile. This was something I had planned while separating all the traumas one by one into their own color coated paint can. I wanted to have good memories not bad ones, it really did work too. I used this process of compartmentalizing things up to a few years ago.
I wrote this on my birthday in 2009;
Paint Cans!!
Spread them out!!
I'm only Eight,
and I can't take,
all the weight,
from their mistake.
Colors,
Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, Orange,
Nude, Not, Rot, Spot.
Keep them pure,
it's a lot.
Lids go here,
cans go there.
They do not need any air!!
Make some space,
clear the waste.
It's my mind
Post Haste!!
I need to drain the fear from me,
to late, don't shed a tear, it's clear.
That can, that lid, it's over here.
Close one eye and do not steer.
The Hardware Store is almost here.
Paint Cans, Paint Cans,
the shelves are strong
I'm in first gear.
I might be slow
but, I am here.
Paint Cans, Paint Cans
They were clear!!
K.A.P.
4/29/2009
It was as if the entire scene that I have painted here exploded in one fell swoop of my mothers attack on my life five years ago. It was an ugly mess inside my mind. Frustration, anger, and rage filled me to the rim. I had spent so many years spending so much time keeping this all at the correct temperature so that the lids would not blow, then they did. I guess my plan at eight had some flaws. I don't think that I knew that heat could make the top of a can blow off.
I know that recently my frustration has been exposed. I am not sorry, nor am I embarrassed to write what has come to mind after all these years. Sadly, this is my life and I am angry that I have not been able to find what I set out looking for in the very beginning. I remember making a decision when I was very young while staring at my mother. I thought that I would do the opposite of her and then I would not be hurting people as I witnessed her doing daily. So, I did, I watched and did the opposite of her, always. I have not taken advantage of people, I do not run cons, I do not use the manipulation of brainwashing on others, I do not blackmail people, I do not beat them emotionally until they sign over their Trust Funds and Wills to me. I have lived a life where I have worked hard for what I own.
I was determined that if I worked hard that I could find all the things that I seem to see but do not feel or understand for myself. I looked for love, peace, happiness, joy, positive growth as a human being, compassion and all I have found is more narcissistic people that rip me off emotionally and physically. It has taken me forever to understand that this is what I have met and what I have been surrounded with my entire life, even as an adult. You see I did not find the word or definition there-of (Narcissist, Malignant Narcissist) until recently in my life. Nobody tuned me in on the fact that there was even a description of my mother or situation. I guess that goes to show I was in the midst of all of these monsters constantly. I am so stupid that I did not know this and that I continued to take people at face value. I would believe everything that they told me. I would not question what they said to me. I did not think people lied constantly until just recently.
Looking back I believe I am more angry now than I have ever been at anytime during my life. Of course, every person that I know has turned their back on me. This has all been since I have come to terms with my own tragedy and began to speak out in my defense of myself. As soon as I began to defend myself and require friends just to allow me to express my own feelings on any said subject, they stopped talking to me, calling me or just hanging out with me.
All they have proceeded to do is make me drive harder into my past to discover what it may be that repulses them so much that they cannot see or speak to me anymore. Are each of them responsible for something horrific in my life? Even as an adult? Did they help to drive my children away from me when they could have helped them find me? I know that the harder and colder that I have been treated by people whom I have told my diagnosis, the worse I get towards wanting to know all of the facts. I am becoming driven to find the truth in my mind, no matter the pain that it causes me. I am trying to go back through things in my mind to understand and find reason for such deplorable treatment. The last thing you are meant to do to someone with C-PTSD, is to isolate, tell them to get over it, tell them to shut-up, its done, there is nothing you can do about it, etc.
What has happened, has happened. I am healing from the hurt of having nobody on my side and accepting my isolated existence. I have been trying to heal myself by confronting what comes into my mind via flashbacks. I believe that the flashbacks may be a sign of healing anyway. I think it is a sign that my mind is capable of now looking at the horrors of my life. It is an attempt to piece them together with the now running dialogue in my head. If you put that with the understanding and reasoning capabilities of an adult view, I think I can actually begin to come up with the answers that are so badly needed in my life. I am encouraged by my attempt everyday to conquer yet another fear that causes me such grief and dismay. I am now capable of realizing that being the person that I am naturally is more than O.K. I am filled with the capability to express myself clearly.
I am outraged by the behavior of not just the people in my life as a youth but the people in my life as an adult. They thought that my company was suspect five years ago, imagine their surprise when one day I speak in an open forum of exposing monsters for a living and I tell the very personal stories of their life and interaction with me as adult. As I tell the public at large about how much money has been taken from me, how items in my home have been removed and kept by them. As I speak on how my trusting nature with trucks that needed to be sold, were sold and the money kept by that same person. I will speak on how I tried to confront the issue at hand and they screamed and yelled saying that I was nuts just like my mother. While I would stare and wonder why I did not see that this person like they were on that day. I promise you that one day I will tell my story so that I can prevent other young and very innocent lives from going through the pain that I have suffered until I now. I never knew that these monsters were defined and known by the public as I know them personally. I will continue my march as I am, determined to expose the narcissistic and malignant narcissist alike.
I will testify to the trials of my life. You see I took what I saw, what I knew, all the things I learned growing up and what I understood to be proper behavior in this world and threw it aside. I went on a search for peace, reason, love, acceptance and a life that I could lead without the terror and fear I felt as a child. A life that would be respectable and not full of contempt or rage. I pretended my entire life, I acted through everything so that I would be acceptable to you. I have been a victim of selfish, manipulative liars. Knowing that you are aware of yourselves, I give you fair warning that I will not cease my life's journey to find and be a peace with myself. It is just that now I will speak a more vicious truth, not disguising my words to protect your mind from reading the absolute and horrid reality that I have lived. I am a testimony to myself, my survival, my own journey to find love and reason for your lack of morality. I accept you as you are, with no changes, no conditions to any one way you behave, but you don't accept me the same way. It's O.K. I accept me as I am and that is the biggest and most difficult hurdle to face. I love myself and I am O.K. just the way I am, no conditions to place on my mind to just exist or live freely.
I want to be able to help you right out of your lies and into my truth. I want it out there for everyone to read. I will never quit on myself or the innocent lives of those that are stuck in the con you are running constantly on humanity. I believe in the impossible becoming possible, I believe in me as I am. I am dedicated to being real and not having to act for you or anyone else anymore. I quit. Reality rules, no matter the graphic nature of its truth when it is spoken, written or felt by the individual that just survived in this life.
I am not sorry that I took all of you at face value up to now. I can never have the finger pointed at me, saying I was full of rage, anger and was oblivious to others in the plight of life. So thank you for your friendship, thank you for your lessons in life, it has molded me into the person that I am today. Trust is thrown away permanently in my life. It is no longer to be had by me. I hate you and that's O.K. for me to say do now at this time in my life. I understand what hatred is really about. I am working through that too. I do wonder sometimes if you know that continuing to hurt a person that has been so badly hurt is wrong to do. I will not forgive what has happened to me, because what has happened to me makes me the unique individual that I continue to be. Why would I want to be different than I am. I like me, I have survived what is not survivable, so I am told. I am still intact. I just come from the other side of things, with a different character base than you seem to possess. But, truthfully I believe that the ones that have done these things to me to be evil and I am actually okay.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Paint Cans
Paint Cans!!
Spread them out!!
I'm only Eight
and I can't take
all the weight
from their mistake.
Colors,
Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, Orange,
Nude, Not, Rot, Spot.
Keep them pure
it's a lot.
Lids go here,
cans go there.
They do not need any air!!
Make some space,
clear the waste.
It's my mind
Post Haste!!
I need to drain the fear from me,
to late, don't shed a tear, it's clear.
That can, that lid, it's over here.
Close one eye and do not steer.
The Hardware Store is almost here.
Paint Cans, Paint Cans,
the shelves are strong
I'm in first gear.
I might be slow
but, I am here.
Paint Cans, Paint Cans
They were clear!!
K.A.P.
4/29/2009
Friday, December 19, 2014
Before This Blog In 2008 There Was My 'Me Book'!! This Is How I Started In 2006 ~ So Singular, So Telling.
Tag Line: YOU CANNOT KEEP THOSE PAINT CANS SEALED FOREVER!
paint spill drip....
I used to be terrified that I would catch what my mother had, and, then one day my little sister did. That day was the beginning of what have become so man thing for me, mostly the memories that once haunted me that I had so thoughtfully buried. They have not only returned to my everyday thoughts, but have returned with a vengeance.
paint spill backwards....
My oldest daughter was on her way to New Orleans to visit her High School friend at Tulane. Oh course, they would be going to Mardi Gras, I always had wanted to go. I told my daughter _ _ _ _ _ to be careful and be wise in her decisions. There was of course a giggle and a Oh _ _ _, we both laughed. What I did not realize was that _ _ _ _ _ would be calling me back telling me what my little sister had said about her trip. I could not believe what I was hearing, my sister told her there is no way she should be going because she would be going to a murder, drug and sex fest, this was said completely seriously. I was stunned; those were the words of my mother not my sister. This caused a flood in my mind; it has been a confusing mudslide of the unbelievable.
spray can explodes...
Davy, then his name was Eden, yeap, Eden Sundown, can I tell you I used to tease him all the time. Every time he saw my mother he would vomit, projectile vomit. It used to shoot way out there and it was totally gross. Can I tell you it smelled, yuck! So this what I would do, if I saw my mother before him I would jump in front of him to block his view, this saved us a few times. Or if it was to late, then I would grab his hand and hold on as long as I could, they usually would come after him and then all the yelling and screaming about him being full of demons. After all of that we would go off and do our thing and I would tell Davy, look, my mom is just a person and you don't need to puck, plus it smells and we can't play. I used to tell him, O.K. now when you see my mom, think of something happy, like baseball, Cinderella!, we would start to laugh and return to playing. The most disgusting time was when Davy had to carry a bucket, this is so he could put his head into it and vomit instead of the customary see my mother open his mouth and out it would shoot, what a stinky mess. Well he had vomited in the bucket, they were yelling and screaming and then they made him eat it, I had to turn away, I couldn't stay with him for that because I was getting sick. He was probably around 4 years old and I must have been 6 or 7.
Davy committed suicide we never talked about any of it.
Tag Line: WHY DID I HIDE UNDERNEATH MY BED?
eyeballs & question marks...
My older sister Tammy is whimpering in the next room, I have to stay in my room, why is she crying. I used to get scared so I would climb under my bed and stack up the stuffed animals in front of me. I would wiggle as far back in the corner as I could so that when they swung there arm under the bed they could not feel me. These shoes used to come in, black men's dress shoes, just like the man on A.M. San Francisco. They sat on the edge of the bed and began to pat the covers, the feet would shuffle a bit, and then the shoes would walk out of the room. I would strain to keep my eyes open in case they came back, because I was afraid to go to sleep, I don't remember why. The floor was hard and I was cold, I would tell myself I should remember a blanket and pillow next time.
so totally weird...
Yahoo! Mail ~ Wed, 11 Jan 2006 14:28:31 -0800 (PST)
Subject: our 2 recent phone calls
Dearest Karen:
It was so good to hear your voice and your New Year
Greetings over the phone.
To follow up on our (first) phone communication, _ _ _ _ _
and _ _ _ _ were referred back to their mother, because,
at that time, the "in loco parentis" strength from
their grandparents, and from their aunt and uncle, in
San Francisco was not sufficient for their needs
and/or requests. Furthermore, _ _ _ _ _'_ beau was
graciously invited to her grandparents' home for
hospitality, which was apparently rejected out of
hand.
We are convinced that our conversation in the whole
matter was with wholesome compassion for our
grandchildren, with utmost respect for their
consciences, and in sacred honor of their own parents'
training.
In addendum to this morning's phone call, I quote from
95 year old Kitty Carlisle Hart (Page E3, SF
Chronicle) : " (I have) no time to devote to being
irritable or unhappy. Time is moving Fast".
It appears you have been obtaining incorrect
information from unreliable or "half-truth" sources; I
base this on certain things you have been saying
recently to me (and apparently to others as well).
Love,
Mom.
Tag Line: LOOK `frowning
JAN. 11, 2006
My mom sent this to me after the phone call where she said Philip & Sarah (my little brother and sister) are weak-minded. That is why they took _ _ _ _ _ to Bars. She went on to say how I took the babies to Bars and I said I guess that was better than taking me to Swinger Parties!
She screamed and hung-up the phone!!
Tag Line: MY RESPONSE TO HER EMAIL, TO THE POINT & 1ST TIME I SAID IT.
....____paint is spilling! circling the email on the paste print...
Yahoo! Mail
Date: Thu, 12 Jan 2006 16:30:22 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Re: our 2 recent phone calls
I was there and know exactly what you did to those around you. You do not do the things you do for your children out of the goodness of your heart, you do them our of guilt for what you have done to them. I was there when you made Davy eat his vomit and carry the rest of it around in a bucket. I was there when you physically attacked Tammy during a church/cult service, where you had all of those people, Jim, Royce, Don, Steven and the rest of them, jump on top of my sister and physically slam her to the ground and start casting demons from her. I was there when you took a pot of boiling water off the stove and threw it onto my brother. I was there when you lit matches under Eddie's pants at the dining room table while Hugh held him down in the chair. I was there when you performed an exorcism on my brother. I was there when car keys were dropped into the fish bowl at the door. I know why Eddie call Hugh a Faggot. I know why you have no christian symbols in your house, I can go on and on, I have read my pediatric records. I could fill a book with the events of my childhood. I was there.
5 days later she sent flowers
Tag Line: NOTE INSIDE, BE PREPARED :)
From: Relles Florist
Deliver: Tuesday 01/17/06
Item: Arrangement Tropical
Inv.#: 68976
The Note said:
Impress Your Truth & Gracefullness &
Beauty Of Your Honour In Your Home,
Extraordinary Motherhood. Especially
Kindness To _ _ _ _, This Is All Remarkable
And Commending. Our Love, Mom And Hugh
Tag Line: WOW
For the first time in my life my mother now knows that I remember. What an exhilarating feeling has overcome me, almost making me giddy, how strange, or is it. Life is so strange and the events that take place throughout our lives are the very experiences that mold us into who we end up being. How is it I could be born and raised in an environment that was so destructive and actually manage to come out on the other side? I have never felt safe from the them, I have always been on guard, and worried somehow they would find a chink in my armor and pierce my heart. I have lived a defensive life, never trusting or believing that I could be and different from that.
Today is such a breath of fresh air, now they know, I was there and I remember. smiley face
Tag Line: Plop, Plop, Fizz, Fizz, Oh, What A Relief it is!!!!
CELEBRATION NOW ..........
COME ON !!
BOOM ** KABAAM **
STORY CONTINUES BELOW ~ BELIEVE IT, OR NOT
I spoke to my mother and stepfather, Hugh last March. I knew that the deal on the building was closing soon and they would be coming into a tremendous amount of money, approximately _._ million dollars. In the past whenever money showed up all hell would break loos, my older sister would show up magically from somewhere back east, claiming she was owed. My older brother would be at her heels with the same type of claim. My mother and Hugh would become these aloof people that I no longer knew and my little sister and brother would ride all the waves that all the craziness provided. This type of behavior would usually happen over a couple of hundred thousand dollars or so, I could only imagine what would happen with a few million.
point arrow Tag line: This would have been in the spring of 2005
I decided to sit down with Mom and Hugh, tell them how I felt, cross my fingers and hope that for the first time in my life it could be different. We all went into the Drawing Room and it turned out that my oldest two daughters were also with us. I thought about asking them to leave, but then decided that this would be my final plea, it might not be a bad idea to have them present. I also knew that with there presence Mom and Hugh would watch their P's and Q's. For an hour and a half I spoke to them, confiding in them with the worries that I had and how destructive all this behavior had been in the past. Of course, Mom was acting as if she had no idea what I was talking about, but, Hugh, was different, he was intently listening to me. I had never seen this behavior before and held some hope that I was actually getting through. He was asking questions like, which time are you speaking of? He is British, hence the pretentious way that he speaks. What exactly happened? What do you think your sister wanted? How do you remember about that situation? You remember when your father took you on visitation and bought himself sandals that Tammy had just picked out and wanted for herself? As he would interrupt periodically with a different inquiry I began to figure out that these questions were not out of concern on how to keep it from happening again. These were probing questions. My mother of course babbling away with her banter of nonsense of how none of her children have ever loved her. All she wanted was to worship Jesus and preach the word of God. I watched both of there faces trying to see if my message was getting through, I told them that I would not go through the family drama of how is owed what and why, I would not put myself through the phones calls of my mother screaming about how her children hate her and how the Placeks have such bad genes. Or about how much she has done for Tammy, Eddie and Karen, how Sarah and Philip have given up their inheritance for the older three, I was not going to watch all the hurt faces as each kid was used to beat up the other one. I said, "Mom I ma not taking this roll coaster ride with you again. At first sight of that insanity on your part I will turn and walk away." What are you talking about?, my Mom said, Hugh screamed, WOMAN, SHUT UP! AND LET HER SPEAK, his anger shook my core. This moment made me gasp, for I was witnessing an interaction that was all to familiar, an interaction between two of the most sick, demented, selfish people I knew, I became instantly ill. My stomach twisted into knots and I froze, I was instantly thrown back in time, but now I had the experience of life following me there, this was not a simple interruption between two parents, one chastising the other for not allowing the child to speak. This was Foreplay, sensuality seeped from my mothers ever pore, she dripped with anticipation as she turned to Hugh, it was only for a moment, but in that moment my life flashed through my head. I gulped, looked at my two girls, who had not noticed what had just happened and said come on, that's enough, lets go. As I turned to say goodbye I realized nothing would ever change with them, what I did not realize at the time was everything would be changing for me.
The next time that I saw them would prove to be the last time that I would hold my tongue. Until now I have not mentioned much about my childhood to them, I saw what they did to my older sister and brother. Realizing at an early age that silence was indeed golden. Looking back I believe that they had begun to revel in the fact that they had gotten away with the evil deeds they had done. Their cult members had either died, run away, never to be heard from or committed suicide, gosh, that is tough to write down. I always want to cry when I think of that, could I have done something, I was a kid when I watched all these horrors being committed. As an adult I have struggled to piece it all together and as my puzzle seems to outline what happened I realize that I am fortunate to have survived. The story that I am about to share with you is true and an honest account of my life. I can do something now, I can tell you what happened, by writing this down on paper I can make it real. This will make their lives worth something. They are not the horrible sinners my mother claims them to be, they did not have demons possess their souls, the devil did not make them turn away from her, they were only people that had been filled with horrible grief, depression and guilt. My mother
_ _ _ _ _ _ their souls, destroyed their minds and crushed their hearts, they are only human and there in lies her monopoly on their lives.
My mom has called off and on since last Easter but I did not answer the phone or return her phone calls. Her messages were as usually bonkers and it would be impossible for met to even tell you what she said. Mom will leave you a very long message and after you listen to the entire thing you will have absolutely no idea of what she said or why she called. The tone of her voice always gives away what mood she is in, mostly she is pissed off and looking for someone to be angry at. Well in good form she continued with her phone calls and began to expand them to the girls cell phones. As Christmas 2005 drew near she began to call more random people, of course I only know this because they called me to see if I was all right. To date she has called my ex-husband of seven years, his mother and my girlfriend in the city. The phone calls kept coming, now to my home phone, my cell phone, _ _ _ _'_ cell phone and _ _ _ _ _ '_ cell phone. I was about to drive _ _ _ _ _ back to school and I decided that this would be a day to call Mom and tell her that the girls are starting back to school and they did not need the distraction of her phone calls. I called and she spoke to me as if no time had passed and nothing out of the ordinary had happened, I always laugh to myself, wondering how long she can maintain such a facade. About two minutes into the conversation it began, I will tell the jest of it;
I told her to stop calling and leaving random messages about what had happened this past summer, they needed to concentrate on school. She said, I forgive them, there is nothing to forgive, you kicked them out of the house threw there stuff in garbage sacks, changed the locks, she interrupts, I have a call can you hold on, No!, if this is not important enough to stay on the line with me about, then, there is nothing further to say. She clicked off.
Understand that while this conversation is taking place I can hear Hugh's voice in the background yelling, "GET OFF THE PHONE MELBA, phone Melba, get off." I did not stay on the phone, I hung-up and that was it.
A couple of days later I decided that I needed to call and tell her once more not to call the girls, I did not feel she truly understood me the first time. Especially since just this morning she had left a message on _ _ _ _'_ cell phone about liberating her jaw and calling her that, or, something close to that. I called her on her cell phone; Mom you have to stop calling the girls and leaving messages about liberating their jaws;, what she says: Are you monitoring their phone calls?, only when you leave repeated insane messages and they call to tell me you called yet again. Telling the girls that they have not told me the entire story and other such references to this past summer, this has to stop. The point is Mom, Sarah and Philip took my 18 year old daughter to bars and that is wrong, she interrupts and says, "they are weak minded and were influenced by _ _ _ _ _'_ overwhelming desire to go. They are grown adults that should have known better, they are my sister and brother, they know how I feel about that type of behavior, they did it anyway. She interrupts again, well you took your babies to a bar the last time your sister was here. I said, so that the way you want to play mom, I can top that one mom, when I was a little girl you took me to Swinger Parties! She began to scream and pull the phone away from her and right before I hear the phone go click, she is screaming, I will never get rid of the Placeks. This was the first time in my entire life I ever said anything about my childhood, ever. For the first time also, she did not call me back again and again, it was silent, not a normal response for her at all. Normally she would call and call, yelling and screaming, each time, about how persecuted she has been and then it would turn into a sarcastic apology, generally on the twentieth phone call. Yes in the same day. But this was so different, she was silent, her screams were the last thing that I heard until I received this email,
**DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU READ FROM HER?
IF NOT GO BACK NOW & READ IT AGAIN
YAHOO
you've got Mail!!
Tag Line: Ivy drawn all down the page...
All of this must seem so sensational and quite unbelievable; this is how my life has been with my mother since I can remember. I was born on April 29, 1965 at Children's Hospital in San Francisco, California. My father and mother had two other children, my older sister Tammy and my brother Eddie. We lived in an apartment on Hemway Terrace a couple of locks away from the Pan Handle. We moved to 815 Balboa Street an old two story shingled house. They split up not to long after I was born, I remember my Dad when he used to leave for work. The bus stop was right up the street, he used to get on and the bus would stop right in front of the house and he would yell out he window, 'see you later alligator' and I called back 'in a while crocodile'. He was a funny man, who used to make me laugh. Before they broke up I remember these parties, everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. My brother, sister and I would sit at the top of the stairs just before they made a turn to go up to the second floor and watch what was going on.
They would talk back and forth and I got to watch. People would come in the door and right by the door was a skinny table with a round large glass gold fish bowl. They would drop their keys in the bowl and come into the house. We had a pretty good view of the front room, people bustling around with Martini glasses in their hand. I would ask the occasional question and my sister would hold her finger to her mouth and say SSHHHHH, she always kind of spit when she did this. We would always be shewed off to bed so we did not really see much more of what would happen after that, (that's a lie).
The next thing you know they are fighting, yelling and screaming, banging, slamming. My sister grabs me and sneaks me off to our hiding place, well one of them anyway. I was in this enormous linen closet, at the other end of this closet were these huge drawers but instead of pulling them out they had a door that would swing out. The hinges were across the bottom part of it, she would pull it open and push men in and then climb in herself, and she would then pull the door shut. It was very cozy, she would make sure we had quilts to sit on and I always had a pillow. She would say be quiet and I would say why, I must have been terrible at whispering, because again with the finger in front of her face, Sshh, Why? I would say, only to be followed with a louder Sshh and the second time always more spit, I remember the smell of the cabinet, thick with the smell of wood, I thought it was redwood, but that's because the wood was red. The screaming and yelling continued but was more muffled except when the closet door opened, then it would slam again. They never found us, I used to think my sister was the best at hiding; most times I would fall asleep. I think that is when I first recall my sister shaking, like she was cold but I knew she wasn't cold. I never really knew what we were hiding from, I mean what would have happened had we not been hiding, she seemed to though.
My Dad was in his room packing his bag, I asked him where he was going and could I go with him. No foofoo, you have to stay here but I am not going far, just around the corner. Why?, your mommy and I need some time apart but I wll be back, don't worry. He never did come back, he left and the yelling stopped and turned into preaching. I was not allowed in my mothers room anymore, but I had learned how to hide, as I had an excellent teacher. Mom had this Huge closet, she hung her clothes on either side of the door and if you pushed through the clothes on the right hand side there was a pocket of space that I fit in. You would never know I was there looking into the room, the side of the door that had hinges allowed just enough of a crack to peer through. I used to make sure I was tucked behind the shoes that were on the floor so I blended with them and the dirty clothes just in front of them hide any sign of me.
Tag Line: She Had A Four Poster Bed, Still Does, Same One
This one time that I had hidden in Mom's closet I saw a sight that I had never seen before. I was waiting for it to be quiet enough for me to be able to take a peak and see if the coast was clear for me to leave my hiding spot. Normally I would hear Mom talking to whom ever it was that day, she was normally in her bed propped up with her head against the headboard of the bed. The man or woman she would be speaking to, would be sitting on the edge of the bed or knelt beside it. Sometimes there would be more than one person but not often. This one time that I am speaking of was the exception to the rule. I immediately knew that I had made a mistake to hide on this day, because I heard so many different voices in the room. I was afraid because the voices were coming from right outside of the closet door, which meant their was someone very close to me, one wrong move I could be discovered. The shuffle of footsteps and then I heard mom talking and going into that sort of chant/prayer, I knew that I would be in there for a long time. I am not sure how long I was in the closet before I decided to take a look , to see if the coast was clear, seemed like forever. I leaned forward trying not to make noise and peered through the crack in the door.................
Funny, I stopped there, I can see what is on the other side of the door, but it is stuck in my Head. I would like to write it down for you, but I can't just yet. Hence, why I started this Book, I believe that little by little, page by page it will all come out, as I am ready to face it.
Fruit falls when it is ripe.
A terrible understanding has come over me. It is still flowing in fragments here and there, at the same time, every question I have ever had is being answered in a light speed fashion. My mind is still in a swirl and so I have yet to be clear on all that has happened, but at the same time, every question I have ever had is being answered in a light speed fashion. My mind is still in a swirl and so I have yet to be clear on all that has happened, but at the same time there has been a certain type of peace that has covered me like a blanket. The need to prove or tell them what I have come to know is true is no longer there inside of me, its strange, almost serial, calming and freeing yet I am alos filled with a sadness that I have never felt before.
Drawing: Two Birds on a branch
* Back on the homefront, that would be here & now, well, sort of, I need to fill you in on what has been going on. I bet you are saying to yourself, there's more? It would not be my life if there was not more!
So here it goes, last December I was taken off work on the 19th of 2004, because of my back. Well in June I asked my ex-husband to help me pay for the kids medical insurance and start paying half on all the other extra stuff the like to do, up to this point in their life he payed for nothing in regards to the two children that belonged to us, so here is what he says: No problem, just give me the information and I will cut you a check, I have to say I was a little surprised at his willingness to oblige me. Well, June turned into July, then August, September, October, etc., he would tell me that he needed more information, then he would say next week; then he said after he found a new place to live, because he was leaving his current live-in partner.
I GAVE UP ! He was never going to do it. So, I went to the D.A.'s office and filed for a child support review. The D.A. sent a time stamped document for 2/3/06, with a court date set for May, YEA!! Wrong, I received another time stamped 2/28/06 from Wessel's, otherwise known as a Mr. Weasel. This new document filed with the court asking for full custody of the kids. It that was not enough, the accusations set forth were just terrible. Now watch this Timeline:
02/03/06 ~ Motion from District Attorney
02/20/06 ~ My ex-husband takes the kids to my moms
02/28/06 ~ Motion for Full Custody of kids filed with the Court
Bet you are saying, STOP WAIT, your Mom? How did that happen? Do they talk? Get along? Did you know?
GO......I went to pick-up the kids and _ _ _ _ _ _ said that they went to Mom's, geemie's house. My ex-husband was still standing at his front door, so I got out of my car and went to ask him if they had in deed gone for a visit. Sure enough, they had. He said that he took them because she had called and asked him to bring them (by that way this was the first time since our separation in 1998 that he had spoken to my mother let alone gone to San Francisco from Sacramento to satisfy her request for anything, which he had never done, ever) then he proceeded telling me how he spent 'seven hours' talking to my mother, Hugh & Sarah. He said they tried to ask about me and that he had not said anything. Then I commented on the fact that they had spent seven hours talking about..... he shrugged. He and I both knew that he was not being truthful.
In the car on the way back to my house _ _ _ _ _ & _ _ _ _ _ _ told me all about there visit. How they played with their cousin and went for a ride in my brother Phils new car, about how he had decided to buy this car as an early b-day present for himself. The kids said that Phil told them all about the previous summer with their sisters putting heavy emphasis on the age difference between their older sisters age and her new boyfriends age, very big deal to them and I had to comfort both of them because they were both so worried about the enormous age differential. Needless to say I was pretty pissed off and so I drafted and sent the following email to my siblings Sarah and Philip, but something wasn't ringing true, like the seven hour conversation and this rather rehearsed information the kids were feeding me.
Yahoo! Mail
Date: Thu, 23 Feb 2006 13:43:11 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Let's get together
To: Sarah and Philip
Hello Sarah and Philip,
Left a message on Mom's home phone to have you call, talked to Mom but as usual she got all crazy. Philip apparently told Johno some things about his sister Becky this past weekend that I found to be rather inappropriate for an 11 year old boy to hear. So since there seems to be a lot of different stories out there about last summer I figure its time to straighten them out or at least take it out of the laps of my son and daughter and into my own. Especially since you are still compelled to still talk about it.
I am not sure if Becky should be part of the get together or not, my feeling is she probably should be so that all of you can make up your differences.
I am finally well enough to be able to deal with this and hopefully put it to rest. Looking forward to hearing from you soon, hope all is well with you and yours.
I enclosed a few pictures of my kids, I am so proud of all of them.
Much love,
Karen
* I had had a 360 degree fusion on my L4, L5 in September of 2005 so I was still healing but I was not having to use a walker anymore so that was looking positive, however I was still off of work and in worried about lots of things.
Yahoo!Mail
Date: Thu, 23 Feb 2006 17:51:08 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Fwd. Good to hear from you.
From: Sarah
I originally sent the email below to your comcast address earlier this afternoon..so, don't know if you received it. Johno may have heard something "inappropriate"..I was there the whole time and don't remember anything along those lines. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding? Maybe you could share with me what he heard?
We all had a lovely time together, there was much laughter and hugs and kisses. Nothing was left in your "childrens laps", Karen.
And, thank you for the photos, they are beautiful. I'm so glad you are proud of your children, your should be. Each one of them is amazing in their own way. We are all proud of them, too!
Give them all a kiss for me!
Sarah
Note: forwarded message attached.
Karen:
What a surprise to hear from you! I listened to your voice mail and I think it wise for both of us to communicate via email.
In regards to the happenings of last summer between you, myself, Becky, Philip, Katy, the Hookers and everyone else I may have forgotten to mention, I am puzzled as to why you now ask to hear my "side of the story." It was my understanding that you had made up your mind and knew the truth as to what Becky had told you. I am sure she was forthcoming with how the events of last summer came about.
This was evident to me as a result of you not answering my calls and using your friend to liaison between us. I told your friend what happened and I am confident that they relayed that information to you. So, I must ask why you think it necessary to analyze a moot point?
If Becky has questions or something to say she is well able to email me.
Lots of love,
Sarah
*response from me via email to Sarah
Actually Phil told these things to Johno when he took them, Robert and Johno for a ride in his car. He said that Becky was staying out all night and not telling anyone of her whereabouts and that one night Mom came down to find one of the French Doors in the Living Room open, I do not know what the implication of that was. The reason being, is that Mom called Katy in October saying that she had found the French Door unlocked and she thought she had done it, telling her that she was trying to break into the house. I passed that off as Mom's insane banter that she begins to trip about. Bottom line is the two stories don't match. Phil also went on to tell Johno how old the guy is that Becky is dating, needless to say that when Johno returned home he was very concerned about this. for a boy that worries about a lot anyway this is not a stress that he should have placed on his shoulders. My concern is with Phil and why he would even have said anything about the events of last summer, especially since the little ones had very limited knowledge of what had actually taken place.
You, Phil and Becky are the ones that should have taken responsibility for whatever happened. At the time I was preparing for a very serious surgery and the fact that I had to be faced with such upsetting events was very disturbing. Do not forget that I was raised in that house and know full well how out of control things can become.
To my knowledge you and Phil had been taking Becky out with you and actually introduced her to Kreston. The fact that you told Becky she had to leave the house and added that she had no place to go was not a very adult way to handle a very serious situation. Mom wrote me some bullshit email about not being her "parent-is" is completely contrary to the events leading up to when all of this blew up. All of you are adults and this should have been dealt in an adult forum, not in a show down at The Last Day Saloon. When you take on the responsibility of taking a minor out with you, you are also responsible for any events that are a result of that.
None of this should or needs to be told to either one of my little ones, they are still babies. So again, I believe that one of two things need or will happen. We either get together and find a resolution or stand by as it continues to rip away at the core of this family.
Karen
**response back to me from Sarah
Karen,
Philip never spoke of Becky while he was in the car with the boys, or so he says...I wasn't there, so I can't verify it. It was me that talked about last summer and Becky's behaviour during a conversation with Johno and Laurens father, Johno must have overheard our conversation. Their father told me he had run into Becky and Kreston in a store and that's pretty much how the conversation started. Their father was surprised at how much older Kreston was. In regards to any of this causing Johno to worry, he has every reason to be concerned. He's a smart and caring boy who loves his sister. 11 years old is old enough to figure things out...he didn't need anyone telling him Kreston is almost twice Becky's age, it's evident.
As far as Phil, Becky and myself handling things in an "adult manner", we tried. The night she met Kreston, there were also about 6 other people she met. Some of them were girls. Kreston was someone who hung out at the Bitter End. He isn't a friend of mine, I only had met him once before, I had no idea Becky would give him her number or meet him later without my knowledge, let alone go drinking with him. So, you accusing me of "introducing" them as if it were a set up is ludicrous! that would be like blaming Mom and Dad for "introducing" you to Pat Dyas. You saw something you wanted and you went for it. So did Becky. I tried talking her out of seeing him when she finally told me she was. I warned her that I didn't know anything about his guy, that I had heard not very good things about him, blah, blah, blah. And, when she started staying out until 2am or later, or not coming home at all, for the length of two weeks, I couldn't put up with it anymore.
And, for the record, I NEVER told Becky she "had no place to go." I told her that she needed to respect my feelings or go home. She wasn't respecting what she and I had agreed to when she came to stay. I had tried to talk to her many times. So, as harsh as packing up her things and putting them on the porch may have been, it was a last ditch effort. She needed her mother. I sent her home. I wanted to talk to you about all of this. But, you ignored me. You can take up the rest of this with Becky. And, if she is the adult you refer to her as, she can contact me and Philip herself.
Karen, this issue never "ripped away at the core of this family." You and I could've been more of a team if you would have communicated with me. You made a big mistake with me you sent your friend to call me. I'm sorry you had to have back surgery. I'm sorry you were in so much pain. But, picking up the phone and talking to me last summer when I called would have made all the difference. It didn't have to be such a big mess. Glad you're finally feeling better.
Your sister who loves you and your children,
Sarah.
***Last Email Entry in my 'Me Book' ~ I think about the effort of all this work, all the leg work before I began this blog
Yahoo!Mail
Date Sat, 25 Feb 2006 07:20:00 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Re: I do not have a comcast address anymore
To: Sarah Meakin
All I know is that Johno was upset over what he heard from Philip. He does not need to be burdened with such worries by hear say or by direct comments. In regards to my life choices, they have nothing to do with any of what has happened. I am guessing by your comments below that you have no interest in putting any of this to rest. Your need to drag others in and making statements like "I made big mistake" is an indication of your intentions. You are a very ignorant woman if you do not know why I was not able to handle this insanity last summer. In fact, why don't you look up what a 360 degree fusion is and who the people are that have to get one. Why don't I remind you that I was scheduled for the first of the two surgery's the day after all of this blew up. Although this is not your concern, my point is be careful about making statements about the ability of others to accomplish things when you are not completely aware of their situation.
Again, this is not about anybody other than you, Becky and Phil. the responsibility lies on your shoulders, I have stepped in because it does not need to be in the lap of my son. Whatever lessons in regards to age differences can be taught by either his father or myself. Do not be quick to judge though, do not forget Becky's other example of age difference between spouse's. That would be Mom and Hugh, 14 years to be exact, he met her on summer break when he was not yet 21 years of age.
Thursday, February 11, 2016
Hare Spray?? Back In The Day Known As Huffers Now Sew Cool Its Fire Ring Swell With E! Cigerettes Other Wise Called Vai Per's!!
Intoxicative inhalant
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
"Huffing" redirects here. For other uses, see Huff (disambiguation).
"Sniffing glue" redirects here. For the punk zine, see Sniffin' Glue.
| Inhalant abuse | |
|---|---|
| Classification and external resources | |
| Specialty | emergency medicine |
| ICD-10 | F18.1, T52, T53 |
| ICD-9-CM | 981, 982 |
| eMedicine | article/1174630 |
Intoxicative inhalants are a broad range of intoxicative drugs whose volatile vapors or gases are taken in via the nose andtrachea.[1] They are taken by room temperature volatilization or from a pressurized container (e.g., nitrous oxide), and do not include drugs that are sniffed after burning or heating. For example, amyl nitrite and toluene are considered inhalants, but tobacco,cannabis, and crack are not, even though the latter are also inhaled (as smoke).[2][3]
While some inhalant drugs are used for medical purposes, as in the case of nitrous oxide (a dental anxiolytic), this article focuses on inhalant abuse of household and industrial chemicals, in a manner not intended by the manufacturer. These products are used asrecreational drugs for their intoxicating effect. Inhaling volatile substances because of their intoxicating effect is called huffing, sniffing, or bagging. According to a 1995 report by the National Institute on Drug Abuse, the most serious inhalant abuse occurs among children and teens who "...live on the streets completely without family ties."[4] Inhalant users inhale vapor or aerosol propellant gases using plastic bags held over the mouth or by breathing from a solvent-soaked rag or an open container.
The effects of inhalants range from an alcohol-like intoxication and intense euphoria to vivid hallucinations, depending on the substance and the dose. Some inhalant users are injured due to the harmful effects of the solvents or gases or due to other chemicals used in the products that they are inhaling. As with any recreational drug, users can be injured due to dangerous behavior while they are intoxicated, such as driving under the influence. In some cases, users have died from hypoxia (lack of oxygen), pneumonia, cardiac failure or arrest,[5] or aspiration of vomit. Brain damage is typically seen with chronic long-term use as opposed to short-term exposure.[6]
Even though many inhalants are legal, there have been legal actions taken in some jurisdictions to limit access by minors. While solvent glue is normally a legal product, a Scottish court has ruled that supplying glue to children is illegal if the store knows the children intend to abuse the glue. In the US, thirty-eight of 50 states have enacted laws making various inhalants unavailable to those under the age of 18, or making inhalant use illegal.
Contents
[hide]Classification[edit]
Inhalants can be classified by the intended function. Most inhalant drugs that are used non-medically are ingredients in household or industrial chemical products that are not intended to be concentrated and inhaled. A small number of recreational inhalant drugs are pharmaceutical products that are used illicitly.
Chemical structure[edit]
Inhalants can also be classified by chemical structure.[7] Classes include:
| Category | ICD-10 | Examples | Example image |
|---|---|---|---|
| aliphatic hydrocarbons | T52.0 | petroleum products (gasoline and kerosene), propane, butane |  |
| aromatic hydrocarbons | T52.1-T52.2 | toluene (used in paint thinner and model glue), xylene |  |
| ketones | T52.4 | acetone (used in nail polish remover) |  |
| haloalkanes | T53 | hydrofluorocarbons, chlorofluorocarbons (including many aerosols and propellants), 1,1,1-Trichloroethane, trichloroethylene,chloroform (the latter two being antiquated inhalational anaesthetics) |  |
| nitrites | T65.3, T65.5 | alkyl nitrites (poppers such as amyl nitrite) |  |
| nitrogen oxide | T59.0 | nitrous oxide (found in whipped cream canisters) |  |
Product category[edit]
Another way to categorize inhalants is by their product category. There are three main product categories: solvents; gases; and medical drugs which are used illicitly.
Solvents[edit]
A wide range of volatile solvents intended for household or industrial use are inhaled as recreational drugs. This includes petroleum products (gasoline and kerosene), toluene(used in paint thinner and model glue), and acetone (used in nail polish remover).
Gases[edit]
A number of gases intended for household or industrial use are inhaled as recreational drugs. This includes chlorofluorocarbons used in aerosols and propellants (e.g., hair spray). A gas used as a propellant in whipped cream aerosol containers, nitrous oxide, is used as a recreational drug.
Medical anesthetics[edit]
Several medical anesthetics are misused as recreational drugs, including diethyl ether and nitrous oxide. Diethyl ether has a long history of use as a recreational drug. The effects of ether intoxication are similar to those of alcohol intoxication, but more potent. Also, due to NMDA antagonism, the user may experience all the psychedelic effects present in classical dissociatives such as ketamine in forms of thought loops and feeling of mind being disconnected from one's body. Nitrous oxide is a dental anesthetic which is used as a recreational drug, either by users who have access to medical grade gas canisters (e.g., dental hygienists or dentists) or by using the gas contained in whipped cream aerosol containers. Nitrous oxide inhalation can cause analgesia, depersonalisation, derealisation, dizziness, euphoria, and some sound distortion.[8]
Classification by effect[edit]
It is also possible to classify inhalants by the effect they have on the body. Many inhalants act primarily as asphyxiant gases, with their primary effect due to oxygen deprivation.[9]Other agents may have more direct effects at receptors. Inhalants exhibit a variety of mechanisms of action. The mechanisms of action of many non-medical inhalants have not been well elucidated. Anesthetic gases used for surgery, such as nitrous oxide or enflurane, are believed to induce anesthesia primarily by acting as NMDA receptor antagonists, open channel blockers that bind to the inside of the calcium channels on the outer surface of the neuron, and provide high levels of NMDA receptor blockade for a short period of time.
This makes inhaled anesthetic gases different from other NMDA antagonists, such as ketamine, which bind to a regulatory site on the NMDA-sensitive calcium transporter complex and provide slightly lower levels of NMDA blockade, but for a longer and much more predictable duration. This makes a deeper level of anesthesia achievable more easily using anesthetic gases but can also make them more dangerous than other drugs used for this purpose.
Administration and effects[edit]
Inhalant users inhale vapors or aerosol propellant gases using plastic bags held over the mouth or by breathing from an open container of solvents, such as gasoline or paint thinner. Nitrous oxide gases from whipped cream aerosol cans, aerosol hairspray or non-stick frying spray are sprayed into plastic bags. When inhaling non-stick cooking spray or other aerosol products, some users may filter the aerosolized particles out with a rag. Some gases, such as propane and butane gases, are inhaled directly from the canister. Once these solvents or gases are inhaled, the extensive capillary surface of the lungsrapidly absorb the solvent or gas, and blood levels peak rapidly. The intoxication effects occur so quickly that the effects of inhalation can resemble the intensity of effects produced by intravenous injection of other psychoactive drugs.[10]
The effects of solvent intoxication can vary widely depending on the dose and what type of solvent or gas is inhaled. A person who has inhaled a small amount of rubber cement or paint thinner vapor may be impaired in a manner resembling alcohol inebriation. A person who has inhaled a larger quantity of solvents or gases, or a stronger chemical, may experience stronger effects such as distortion in perceptions of time and space, hallucinations, and emotional disturbances.
In the short term, many users experience headache, nausea and vomiting, slurred speech, loss of motor coordination, and wheezing. A characteristic "glue sniffer's rash" around the nose and mouth is sometimes seen after prolonged use. An odor of paint or solvents on clothes, skin, and breath is sometimes a sign of inhalant abuse, and paint or solvent residues can sometimes emerge in sweat.[11]
According to NIH, even a single session of inhalant abuse "can disrupt heart rhythms and lower oxygen levels," which can lead to death. "Regular abuse can result in serious harm to the brain, heart, kidneys and liver."[12]
Dangers and health problems[edit]
Statistics on deaths caused by inhalant abuse are difficult to determine. It may be severely under-reported, because death is often attributed to a discrete event such as a stroke or a heart attack, even if the event happened because of inhalant abuse.[13] Inhalant use or abuse was mentioned on 144 death certificates in Texas during the period 1988–1998 and was reported in 39 deaths in Virginia between 1987 and 1996 from acute voluntary exposure to abused inhalants.[14]
General risks[edit]
Regardless of which inhalant is used, administration can lead to injury or death. One major risk is hypoxia, which can occur due to inhaling fumes from a plastic bag, or from using proper equipment but not adding oxygen or room air. When a gas that was stored under high pressure is released, it cools abruptly and can cause frostbite if it is inhaled directly from the container (when nitrous oxide is used as an automotive power adder, its cooling effect is used to make the fuel-air charge denser. In a person, this effect is potentially lethal). Many inhalants are volatile organic chemicals and can catch fire or explode, especially when combined with smoking. As with many other drugs, users may also injure themselves due to loss of coordination or impaired judgment, especially if they attempt to drive.
Solvents have many potential risks in common, including pneumonia, cardiac failure or arrest,[5] and aspiration of vomit. The inhaling of some solvents can cause hearing loss, limb spasms, and damage to the central nervous system and brain.[5] Serious but potentially reversible effects include liver and kidney damage and blood-oxygen depletion. Death from inhalants is generally caused by a very high concentration of fumes. Deliberately inhaling solvents from an attached paper or plastic bag or in a closed area greatly increases the chances of suffocation. Brain damage is typically seen with chronic long-term use as opposed to short-term exposure.[6] Parkinsonism(see: Signs and symptoms of Parkinson's disease) has been associated with huffing.[15]
Female inhalant users who are pregnant may have adverse effects on the fetus, and the baby may be smaller when it is born and may need additional health care (similar to those seen with alcohol - fetal alcohol syndrome). There is some evidence of birth defects and disabilities in babies born to women who sniffed solvents such as gasoline.
In the short term, death from solvent abuse occurs most commonly from aspiration of vomit while unconscious or from a combination ofrespiratory depression and hypoxia, the second cause being especially a risk with heavier-than-air vapors such as butane or gasoline vapor. Deaths typically occur from complications related to excessive sedation and vomiting. Actual overdose from the drug does occur, however, and inhaled solvent abuse is statistically more likely to result in life-threatening respiratory depression than intravenous use of opiates such as heroin. Most deaths from solvent abuse could be prevented if individuals were resuscitated quickly when they stopped breathing and their airway cleared if they vomited. However, most inhalant abuse takes place when people inhale solvents by themselves or in groups of people who are intoxicated. Certain solvents are more hazardous than others, such as gasoline.
In contrast, a few inhalants like amyl nitrate and diethyl ether have medical applications and are less harmful, though they are still dangerous when used recreationally. Nitrous oxide is thought to be particularly non-toxic, though long-term use can lead to a variety of serious health problems linked to destruction of vitamin B12 and folic acid.[16][17]
Risks of specific agents[edit]
The hypoxic effect of inhalants can cause damage to many organ systems (particularly the brain, which has a very low tolerance for oxygen deprivation), but there can also be additional toxicity resulting from either the physical properties of the compound itself or additional ingredients present in a product. Organochlorine solvents are particularly hazardous; many of these are now restricted in developed countries due to their environmental impact.
- Methylene chloride, after being metabolized, can cause carbon monoxide poisoning.[18]
- Gasoline sniffing can cause lead poisoning,[19] in locations where leaded gas is not banned.
- Ingestion of alkyl nitrites can cause methemoglobinemia, although inhalation does not.[20]
- Carbon tetrachloride can cause significant damage to multiple systems, but its association with liver damage is so strong that it is used in animal models to induce liver injury.[21]
- Use of butane, propane, nitrous oxide and other inhalants that boil well below room temperature can create a risk of burns from contact with the extremely cold liquid (See Aerosol burn). The risk of such contact is greatly increased by the impaired judgement and motor coordination brought on by inhalant intoxication.
- Benzene use can cause bone marrow depression.[22] It is also a known carcinogen.
- Toluene can damage myelin.[23]
Toxicity may also result from the pharmacological properties of the drug; excess NMDA antagonism can completely block calcium influx into neurons and provoke cell death through apoptosis,[citation needed] although this is more likely to be a long-term result of chronic solvent abuse than a consequence of short-term use.
Sudden sniffing death syndrome[edit]
Inhaling butane gas can cause drowsiness, narcosis, asphyxia, and cardiac arrhythmia.[citation needed] Butane is the most commonly misused volatile solvent in the UK and caused 52% of solvent-related deaths in 2000. When butane is sprayed directly into the throat, the jet of fluid can cool rapidly to −20 °C byadiabatic expansion, causing prolonged laryngospasm.[citation needed] Sudden sniffing death syndrome is commonly known as SSDS. Some inhalants can also indirectly cause sudden death by cardiac arrest, in a syndrome known as "sudden sniffing death".[24] The anaesthetic gases present in the inhalants appear to sensitize the user to adrenaline and, in this state, a sudden surge of adrenaline (e.g., from a frightening hallucination or run-in with aggressors), may cause fatal cardiac arrhythmia.[25]
Furthermore, the inhalation of any gas that is capable of displacing oxygen in the lungs (especially gasses heavier than oxygen) carries the risk of hypoxia as a result of the very mechanism by which breathing is triggered. Since reflexive breathing is prompted by elevated carbon dioxide levels (rather than diminished blood oxygen levels), breathing a concentrated, relatively inert gas (such as computer-duster tetrafluoroethane or nitrous oxide) that removes carbon dioxide from the blood without replacing it with oxygen will produce no outward signs of suffocation even when the brain is experiencing hypoxia. Once full symptoms of hypoxia appear, it may be too late to breathe without assistance, especially if the gas is heavy enough to lodge in the lungs for extended periods. Even completely inert gases, such as argon, can have this effect if oxygen is largely excluded.
Legal aspects[edit]
Solvent glue[edit]
Even though solvent glue is normally a legal product, there is a case where a court has ruled that supplying glue to children is illegal. Khaliq v HM Advocate was a Scottishcriminal case decided by the High Court of Justiciary on appeal, in which it was decided that it was an offence at common law to supply glue sniffing materials that were otherwise legal in the knowledge that they would be used for self-harm. Two shopkeepers in Glasgow were arrested and charged with supplying to children ‘glue-sniffing kits’ consisting of a quantity of petroleum-based glue in a plastic bag. They argued there was nothing illegal about the items that they had supplied. On appeal, the High Court took the view that, even though glue and plastic bags might be perfectly legal, everyday items, the two shopkeepers knew perfectly well that the children were going to use the articles as inhalants and the charge on the indictment should stand.[26] When the case came to trial at Glasgow High Court the two were sentenced to three years’ imprisonment.
"Thirty-eight of 50 states have enacted laws making various inhalants unavailable to those under the age of 18. Other states prohibit the sale of these items to anyone without recognition of purpose for purchase. Some states mandate laws against using these products for purposes of getting high, while some states have laws about possessing certain inhalants. Nearly every state imposes fines and jail terms for violation of their specific laws."[27]
"Connecticut law bans the unauthorized manufacture or compounding, possession, control, sale, delivery, or administration of any “restricted substance.” It defines restricted substances as... specific volatile substances if they are sold, compounded, possessed or controlled, or delivered or administered to another person for breathing, inhaling, sniffing, or drinking to induce a stimulant, depressant, or hallucinogenic effect. Violators can be fined up to $100." As well, 24 states "ban the use, possession, or sale or other distribution of inhalants... like glue and solvents."[28]
"Louisiana prohibits the sale, transfer, or possession of model glue and inhalable toluene substances to minors. In Ohio, it is illegal to inhale certain compounds for intoxication — a common, general prohibition other states have enacted. Some states draw their prohibitions more narrowly...In Massachusetts, retailers must ask minors for identification before selling them glue or cement that contains a solvent that can release toxic vapors."[29]
Propellant gases[edit]
"New Jersey... prohibits selling or offering to sell minors products containing chlorofluorocarbon that is used in refrigerant."[29]
Poppers[edit]
Main article: Poppers
The sale of alkyl nitrite-based poppers was banned in Canada in 2013. Although not considered a narcotic and not illegal to possess or use, they are considered a drug. Sales that are not authorized can now be punished with fines and prison.[30] Since 2007, reformulated poppers containing isopropyl nitrite are sold in Europe because only isobutyl nitrite is prohibited. In France, the sale of products containing butyl nitrite, pentyl nitrite, or isomers thereof, has been prohibited since 1990 on grounds of danger to consumers.[31] In 2007, the government extended this prohibition to all alkyl nitrites that were not authorized for sale as drugs.[32] After litigation by sex shop owners, this extension was quashed by the Council of State on the grounds that the government had failed to justify such a blanket prohibition: according to the court, the risks cited, concerning rare accidents often following abnormal usage, rather justified compulsory warnings on the packaging.[33]
In the United Kingdom, poppers are widely available and frequently (legally) sold in gay clubs/bars, sex shops, drug paraphernalia head shops, over the Internet and on markets.[34] It is illegal under Medicines Act 1968 to sell them advertised for human consumption, and in order to bypass this, they are usually sold as odorizers. In the U.S., originally marketed as a prescription drug in 1937, amyl nitrite remained so until 1960, when the Food and Drug Administration removed the prescription requirement due to its safety record. This requirement was reinstated in 1969, after observation of an increase in recreational use. Other alkyl nitrites were outlawed in the U.S. by Congress through the Anti-Drug Abuse Act of 1988. The law includes an exception for commercial purposes. The term commercial purpose is defined to mean any use other than for the production of consumer products containing volatile alkyl nitrites meant for inhaling or otherwise introducing volatile alkyl nitrites into the human body for euphoric or physical effects.[35] The law came into effect in 1990. Visits to retail outlets selling these products reveal that some manufacturers have since reformulated their products to abide by the regulations, through the use of the legal cyclohexyl nitrite as the primary ingredient in their products, which are sold as video head cleaners, polish removers, or room odorants.
Nitrous oxide[edit]
In the United States, possession of nitrous oxide is legal under federal law and is not subject to DEA purview.[36] It is, however, regulated by the Food and Drug Administrationunder the Food Drug and Cosmetics Act; prosecution is possible under its "misbranding" clauses, prohibiting the sale or distribution of nitrous oxide for the purpose of human consumption. Many states have laws regulating the possession, sale, and distribution of nitrous oxide. Such laws usually ban distribution to minors or limit the amount of nitrous oxide that may be sold without special license.[citation needed] For example, in the state of California, possession for recreational use is prohibited and qualifies as a misdemeanour.[37] In New Zealand, the Ministry of Health has warned that nitrous oxide is a prescription medicine, and its sale or possession without a prescription is an offence under the Medicines Act.[38] This statement would seemingly prohibit all non-medicinal uses of the chemical, though it is implied that only recreational use will be legally targeted. In India, for general anaesthesia purposes, nitrous oxide is available as Nitrous Oxide IP. India's gas cylinder rules (1985) permit the transfer of gas from one cylinder to another for breathing purposes. Because India's Food & Drug Authority (FDA-India) rules state that transferring a drug from one container to another (refilling) is equivalent to manufacturing, anyone found doing so must possess a drug manufacturing license.
Patterns of non-medical use[edit]
Inhalant drugs are often used by children, teenagers, incarcerated or institutionalized people, and impoverished people, because these solvents and gases are ingredients in hundreds of legally available, inexpensive products, such as deodorant sprays, hair spray, and aerosol air fresheners. However, most users tend to be "...adolescents (between the ages of 12 and 17)."[39] In some countries, chronic, heavy inhalant use is concentrated in marginalized, impoverished communities.[40][41] Young people who become chronic, heavy inhalant abusers are also more likely to be those who are isolated from their families and community. The article "Epidemiology of Inhalant Abuse: An International Perspective" notes that "[t]he most serious form of obsession with inhalant use probably occurs in countries other than the United States where young children live on the streets completely without family ties. These groups almost always use inhalants at very high levels (Leal et al. 1978). This isolation can make it harder to keep in touch with the sniffer and encourage him or her to stop sniffing."[4]
The article also states that "...high [inhalant use] rates among barrio Hispanics almost undoubtedly are related to the poverty, lack of opportunity, and social dysfunction that occur in barrios" and states that the "...same general tendency appears for Native-American youth" because "...Indian reservations are among the most disadvantaged environments in the United States; there are high rates of unemployment, little opportunity, and high rates of alcoholism and other health problems."[4] There are a wide range of social problems associated with inhalant use, such as feelings of distress, anxiety and grief for the community; violence and damage to property; violent crime; stresses on thejuvenile justice system; and stresses on youth agencies and support services.[citation needed]
Africa and Asia[edit]
Glue and gasoline sniffing is also a problem in parts of Africa, especially with street children, and South Asia. Three of the most widely abused inhalants are the Dendrite brand and other forms of contact adhesives and rubber cements manufactured in Kolkata, and toluenes inpaint thinners. Genkem is a brand of glue which had become the generic name for all the glues used by glue-sniffing children in Africa before the manufacturer replaced n-hexane in its ingredients in 2000.[42]
The United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime has reported that glue sniffing is at the core of “street culture” in Nairobi, Kenya, and that the majority of street children in the city are habitual solvent users.[43] Research conducted by Cottrell-Boyce for the African Journal of Drug and Alcohol Studies found that glue sniffing amongst Kenyan street children was primarily functional – dulling the senses against the hardship of life on the street – but it also provided a link to the support structure of the ‘street family’ as a potent symbol of shared experience.[43]
Similar incidents of glue sniffing among destitute youth in the Philippines have also been reported, most commonly from groups of street children and teenagers collectively known as "Rugby" boys,[44] which were named after a brand of toluene-laden contact cement. Other toluene-containing substances have also been subject to abuse, most notably the Vulca Seal brand of roof sealants. Bostik Philippines, which currently owns the Rugby and Vulca Seal brands, has since responded to the issue by adding bitterants such as mustard oil to their Rugby line,[45] as well as reformulating it by replacing toluene with xylene. Several other manufacturers have also followed suit.
Another very common inhalant is Erase-X, a correction fluid that contains toluene. It has become very common for school and college students to use it, because it is easily available in stationery shops in India. This fluid is also used by street and working children in Delhi.[46]
Europe and North America[edit]
In the UK, marginalized youth use a number of inhalants, such as solvents and propellants. In Russia and Eastern Europe, gasoline sniffing became common on Russian ships following attempts to limit the supply of alcohol to ship crews in the 1980s. The documentary Children Underground depicts the huffing of a solvent called Aurolac (a product used in chroming) by Romanian homeless children. During the Interbellum the inhalation of ether (etheromania) was widespread in some regions of Poland, especially in Upper Silesia—tens of thousands of people were affected by this problem.[47]
In Canada, Native children in the isolated Northern Labrador community of Davis Inlet were the focus of national concern in 1993, when many were found to be sniffing gasoline. The Canadian and provincial Newfoundland and Labrador governments intervened on a number of occasions, sending many children away for treatment. Despite being moved to the new community of Natuashish in 2002, serious inhalant abuse problems have continued. Similar problems were reported in Sheshatshiu in 2000 and also in Pikangikum First Nation.[48] In 2012, the issue once again made the news media in Canada.[49] In Mexico, the inhaling of a mixture of gasoline and/or industrial solvents, known locally as "Activo" or "Chemo", has risen in popularity among the homeless and among the street children of Mexico City in recent years. The mixture is poured onto a handkerchief and inhaled while held in one's fist.
In the US, ether was used as a recreational drug during the 1930s Prohibition era, when alcohol was made illegal. Ether was either sniffed or drunk and, in some towns, replaced alcohol entirely. However, the risk of death from excessive sedation or overdose is greater than that with alcohol, and ether drinking is associated with damage to the stomach and gastrointestinal tract.[50] Use of glue, paint and gasoline became more common after the 1950s. Abuse of aerosol sprays became more common in the 1980s, as older propellants such as CFCs were phased out and replaced by more environmentally friendly compounds such as propane and butane. Most inhalant solvents and gases are not regulated under drug laws such as the United States' Controlled Substances Act. However, many US states and Canadian cities have placed restrictions on the sale of some solvent-containing products to minors, particularly for products widely associated with sniffing, such as model cement. The practice of inhaling such substances is sometimes colloquially referred to as huffing, sniffing (or glue sniffing), dusting, or chroming.
Australia[edit]
See also: Indigenous Australian § Substance abuse
Australia has long faced a petrol (gasoline) sniffing problem in isolated and impoverished aboriginal communities. Although some sources argue that sniffing was introduced byUnited States servicemen stationed in the nation's Top End during World War II[51] or through experimentation by 1940s-era Cobourg Peninsula sawmill workers,[52] other sources claim that inhalant abuse (such as glue inhalation) emerged in Australia in the late 1960s.[4] Chronic, heavy petrol sniffing appears to occur among remote, impoverishedindigenous communities, where the ready accessibility of petrol has helped to make it a common substance for abuse.
In Australia, petrol sniffing now occurs widely throughout remote Aboriginal communities in the Northern Territory, Western Australia, northern parts of South Australia andQueensland. The number of people sniffing petrol goes up and down over time as young people experiment or sniff occasionally. "Boss", or chronic, sniffers may move in and out of communities; they are often responsible for encouraging young people to take it up.[53]
A 1983 survey of 4,165 secondary students in New Lydiate showed that solvents and aerosols ranked just after analgesics (e.g., codeine pills) and alcohol for drugs that were abused. This 1983 study did not find any common usage patterns or social class factors.[4] The causes of death for inhalant users in Australia included pneumonia, cardiac failure/arrest, aspiration of vomit, and burns. In 1985, there were 14 communities in Central Australia reporting young people sniffing. In July 1997, it was estimated that there were around 200 young people sniffing petrol across 10 communities in Central Australia. Approximately 40 were classified as chronic sniffers. There have been reports of young Aboriginal people sniffing petrol in the urban areas around Darwin and Alice Springs.
In 2005, the Government of Australia and BP Australia began the usage of opal fuel in remote areas prone to petrol sniffing.[54] Opal is a non-sniffable fuel (which is much less likely to cause a high) and has made a difference in some indigenous communities.
In popular culture[edit]
Music and musical culture[edit]
One of the early musical references to inhalant use occurs in the 1974 Elton John song "The Bitch Is Back," in the line "I get high in the evening sniffing pots of glue." Inhalant use, especially glue sniffing, is widely associated with the late-1970s punk youth subculture in the UK and North America. Raymond Cochrane and Douglas Carroll claim that when glue sniffing became widespread in the late 1970s, it was "...adopted by punks because public [negative] perceptions of sniffing fitted in with their self-image" as rebels against societal values.[55] While punks at first used inhalants "...experimentally and as a cheap high, adult disgust and hostility [to the practice] encouraged punks to use glue sniffing as a way of shocking society." As well, using inhalants was a way of expressing their anti-corporatist DIY (do it yourself) credo;[55] by using inexpensive household products as inhalants, punks did not have to purchase industrially manufactured liquor or beer.
One history of the punk subculture argues that "substance abuse was often referred to in the music and did become synonymous with the genre, glue sniffing especially" because the youths' "...faith in the future had died and that the youth just didn't care anymore" due to the "awareness of the threat of nuclear war and a pervasive sense of doom." In a BBC interview with a person who was a punk in the late 1970s, they said that "there was a real fear of imminent nuclear war — people were sniffing glue knowing that it could kill them, but they didn't care because they believed that very soon everybody would be dead anyway."
A number of 1970s punk rock and 1980s hardcore punk songs refer to inhalant use. The Ramones, an influential early US punk band, referred to inhalant use in several of their songs. The song "Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue" describes adolescent boredom, and the song "Carbona not Glue" states, "My brain is stuck from shooting glue." An influential punk fanzine about the subculture and music took its name (Sniffin' Glue) from the Ramones song. The 1980s punk band The Dead Milkmen wrote a song, "Life is Shit" from their album Beelzebubba, about two friends hallucinating after sniffing glue. Punk-band-turned-hip-hop group the Beastie Boys penned a song "Hold it Now – Hit It," which includes the line "cause I'm beer drinkin, breath stinkin, sniffing glue." Pop punk band Sum 41 wrote a song, "Fat Lip", which refers to a character who does not "... make sense from all the gas you be huffing..." The song Lança-perfume, written and performed by Brazilian popstar Rita Lee, became a national hit in 1980. The song is about chloroethane and its widespread recreational sale and use during the rise of Brazil's carnivals.
Inhalants are referred to by bands from other genres, including several grunge bands—an early 1990s genre that was influenced by punk rock. The 1990s grunge band Nirvana, which was influenced by punk music, penned a song, "Dumb", in which Kurt Cobain sings "my heart is broke/But I have some glue/help me inhale /And mend it with you". L7, an all-female grunge band, penned a song titled "Scrap" about a skinhead who inhales spray-paint fumes until his mind "starts to gel". Also in the 1990s, the Britpop band Suede had a UK hit with their song "Animal Nitrate" whose title is a thinly veiled reference to amyl nitrite. The Beck song "Fume" from his "Fresh Meat and Old Slabs" release is about inhaling nitrous oxide. Another Beck song, "Cold Ass Fashion", contains the line "O.G. – Original Gluesniffer!" Primus's 1998 song "Lacquer Head" is about adolescents who use inhalants to get high. Hip hop performer Eminem wrote a song, "Bad Meets Evil", which refers to breathing "...ether in three lethal amounts." The Brian Jonestown Massacre, a retro-rock band from the 1990s, has a song "Hyperventilation", which is about sniffing model-airplane cement. Frank Zappa's song "Teenage Wind" from 1981 has a reference to glue sniffing: "...Nothing left to do but get out the 'ol glue; Parents, parents; Sniff it good now..."
Films[edit]
A number of films have depicted or referred to the use of solvent inhalants. In the 1980 comedy film Airplane!, the character of McCroskey (Lloyd Bridges) refers to his inhalant use when he states, "I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue." In the 1996 film Citizen Ruth, the character Ruth (Laura Dern), a homeless drifter, is depicted inhaling patio sealant from a paper bag in an alleyway. In the tragicomedy Love Liza, the main character, played by Philip Seymour Hoffman, plays a man who takes up building remote-controlled airplanes as a hobby to give him an excuse to sniff the fuel in the wake of his wife's suicide.
Harmony Korine's 1997 Gummo depicts adolescent boys inhaling contact cement for a high. Edet Belzberg's 2001 documentary Children Underground chronicles the lives of Romanian street children addicted to inhaling paint. In The Basketball Diaries, a group of boys are huffing carbona cleaning liquid at 3 minutes and 27 seconds into the movie; further on, a boy is reading a diary describing the experience of sniffing the cleaning liquid.
In the David Lynch film Blue Velvet, the bizarre and manipulative character played by Dennis Hopper uses a mask to inhale amyl nitrite.[citation needed] In Little Shop of Horrors,Steve Martin's character dies from nitrous oxide inhalation. The 1999 independent film Boys Don't Cry depicts two young low-income women inhaling aerosol computer cleaner(compressed gas) for a buzz. In The Cider House Rules, Michael Caine's character is addicted to inhaling ether vapors.
In Thirteen, the main character, a teen, uses a can of aerosol computer cleaner to get high. In the action movie Shooter, an ex-serviceman on the run from the law (Mark Wahlberg) inhales nitrous oxide gas from a number of Whip-It! whipped cream canisters until he becomes unconscious. The film Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas describes how the two main characters inhale diethyl ether and amyl nitrite. The South African film The Wooden Camera also depicts the use of inhalants by one of the main characters, a homeless teen, and their use in terms of socio-economic stratification. The titular characters in Samson and Delilah sniff petrol; in Samson's case, possibly causing brain damage.
In the 2004 film Taxi, Queen Latifah and Jimmy Fallon are trapped in a room with a burst tank containing nitrous oxide. Queen Latifah's character curses at Fallon while they both laugh hysterically. Fallon's character asks if it is possible to die from nitrous oxide, to which Queen Latifah's character responds with "It's laughing gas, stupid!" Neither of them suffered any side effects other than their voices becoming much deeper while in the room.
In the French horror film Them, (2006) a French couple living in Romania are pursued by a gang of street children who break into their home at night. Olivia Bonamy's character is later tortured and forced to inhale aurolac from a silver-colored bag. During a flashback scene in the 2001 film Hannibal, Hannibal Lecter gets Mason Verger high on amyl nitrite poppers, then convinces Verger to cut off his own face and feed it to his dogs.
Books[edit]
The science fiction story "Waterspider" by Philip K. Dick (first published in January 1964 in If magazine) contains a scene in which characters from the future are discussing the culture of the early 1950s. One character says: "You mean he sniffed what they called 'airplane dope'? He was a 'glue-sniffer'?", to which another character replies: "Hardly. That was a mania among adolescents and did not become widespread in fact until a decade later. No, I am speaking about imbibing alcohol."[56]
In the 1999 horror-thriller novel "Hannibal" by Thomas Harris, psychiatrist Hannibal Lecter gets his patient Mason Verger high on amyl nitrite poppers, then convinces the intoxicated Verger to cut off his own face and feed it to his dogs.
Television[edit]
In the comedy series Newman and Baddiel in Pieces, Rob Newman's inhaling gas from a foghorn was a running joke in the series. One episode of the Jeremy Kyle Showfeatured a woman with a 20-year butane gas addiction.[57] In the series It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Charlie Kelly has an addiction to huffing glue. Additionally, season nine episode 8 shows Dennis, Mac and Dee getting a can of gasoline to use as a solvent, but instead end up taking turns huffing from the canister.
A 2008 episode of the reality show Intervention (season 5, episode 9) featured Allison, who was addicted to huffing computer duster for the short-lived, psychoactive effects. Allison has since achieved a small but significant cult following among bloggers and YouTube users. Several remixes of scenes from Allison's episode can be found online.[citation needed] Since 2009, Allison has worked with drug and alcohol treatment centers in Los Angeles County. In the third episode of season 5 of American Dad!, titled "Home Adrone", Roger asks an airline stewardess to bring him industrial adhesive and a plastic bag. In the seventh episode of the fourteenth season of South Park, Towelie, an anthropomorphic towel, develops an addiction to inhaling computer duster. In the show Squidbilles, the main character Early Cuyler is often seen inhaling gas or other substances.
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